What We'd Say If There Were No Filter

Sometimes we Badly Behaving Veterinarians want to take the PC, friendly, don't-want-to-hurt-anyone's-feelings filter off and just say what we're really thinking. You may think you know a blunt veterinarian, but trust me, what you think is bluntness from your veterinarian is toned down significantly. By definition we have a good measure of compassion, despite what some of the public may believe. We really want to be nice, and we often accomplish our goal.

But what if we just quit caring about what came out of our mouths? What if the thoughts that were circulating in our heads actually came out in the exam rooms or over the telephone or in the stall?

They may sound something like this:

• "Yes, I believe it's Fluffy's time. In fact, I believe his time was 6 months ago, but you selfishly held on to him thinking that because he could still walk (sort of) that everything was okay, despite his trenchmouth, progressing heart disease, urinary and fecal incontinence, and growing, ulcerated seeping masses (yes, plural) on his eyelids."
  
  
• "Yes, your dog dying COULD have been prevented. I told you at every appointment for the past 2 years that he had a heart murmur, and you wouldn't let me do anything about it. Now his heart is totally trashed and he drowned in his own fluids overnight. Sounds like a peaceful way to go. Not."
  
  
• "Did you ever think about the fact that maybe the reason your horse's feet are shot has something to do with the fact that you house him standing in his own feces without so much as mucking things out every couple of days in the least?"
  
  
• "Oh, no. Your dog's obesity has nothing to do with all of the pizza, potato chips, Oreos and cheeseburgers you feed him. Those are just fine. In fact, just disregard all of the helpful advice I just gave you about how to avoid orthopedic and metabolic disaster and just keep on doing what you're doing."
  
  
• "Stop griping about my fees. So you chose to get a bunch of goats that have no ability to provide a financial return for you, is that my problem? My time and services cost money, and your tieing up my phone line asking for free advice is starting to piss me off!"
  
  
• "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't take out your feelings that stem from a crappy home life, fruitless marriage, and sour work environment out on me. I actually like what I do for a living, and I enjoy going to work every day... when I'm not getting grief from the public."
  
  
• "Your cat is a walking skeleton because you put off care for her. She's skin and bones because you were afraid to hear bad news, and now all I can say is that she's 'this' close to death and she's been suffering for a good long time."
  
  
• "You got a what?! What about your past experiences with animals makes you think that was a good idea?"
  
  
• "If his leg didn't hurt, he'd be using it normally, don't you think?
  
  
• "You're not a breeder. Breeders seek to select good traits in their lines and work to eliminate undesirable traits. You simply arrange for animals to have sex."

And before you think I'm 100% doom-and-gloom, sometimes I want to say this to some clients:

• "You, my friend, are the best client I could imagine as a veterinarian. I wish more could be like you. You'd think your behavior, and the care that you provide for your pets would be routine and common sense and common knowledge, but you'd be wrong. You're the cream of the crop and most of my clients think they take as good of care for their pets as you do, but they're wrong. They don't, and it's not even close."

You're probably asking why I don't say that, and the truth is, at times, very few and far between, I have. But I can't let word get out that I'm saying good things to some and not to others. "Why didn't Dr. V.B.Badly say that to me? Does he hate me? Does he think I'm a crappy pet owner? I knew there was something bad about him! I can't stand Dr. Badly!!!" And things would just spiral out of control.

But I digress. Vets! Techs! What is it that you find yourself wanting to say in an exam room, but you then find yourself biting your tongue because it's just the right thing to do?