Are you taking your pet's meds?

Client: "I need a refill on my dog's phenobarbital."

Dr. Sarcasm:  "In order for us to continue refilling your dog's meds, we have to see him once a year for an exam and therapeutic blood levels so we can make sure his dosage doesn't need to change."

Client:  "But I don't have any money.  Oh and I've only been giving half of the dose because I'm running out of the medication."

Dr. Sarcasm:  "But you were told a year ago that we MUST do an exam and bloodwork once a year or we can't refill the meds.   The DEA doesn't like it when we fill controlled substances without the appropriate exams and bloodwork, so that is not negotiable.  Since you've only been giving a small amount instead of the prescribed dosage, your dog could have seizures and the bloodwork results will be out of range, so we will fill two weeks worth and then check the bloodwork for the refills for the rest of the year.  This is not something we will discuss further;  this is how it is.  If you can't do this, then we can't help you and your pet any longer."

Client:   "I can't believe you.  I can't believe you're gonna make me do this $100 test when you KNOW I can't afford it.  I can't believe you'd just let my dog have seizures just because I can't afford the bloodwork!  I don't want to do the blood test!  It'll be low anyway because I haven't been giving the prescribed dose because I let him run out of meds!"

Dr. Sarcasm:  "Ma'am, this is a choice you made and I cannot re-write federal law.  Cause, see, the DEA worries that people like YOU are stealing your pet's meds and taking it yourself.  Doing this little test protects your pet by checking that his dosage is correct, and protects me by proving you're actually giving the meds to your pet.  So it's not negotiable and you had a year to save up the $150 for exam and bloodwork."

Client:  "Can't you let the rules slide this ONCE?"

Dr. Sarcasm:  "Oh sure, let me lose my DEA license JUST FOR YOU AND YOUR LOUSY $150."

Dr. Sarcasm:  "Life sucks.  No.  Bring your dog in or find a quack who doesn't care about medicine or keeping his license.  Cause you're done here otherwise."