Chanukah holiday tips (just save these for next year):
1. No, your cat doesn't know enough not to burn himself on the candles. Also, doesn't know enough not to knock over the chanukkiah. Singed whiskers are not an emergency. Blistered eyelids are an emergency. I'm not sure why clients so often get that backwards.
2. Re: dog, see (1).
3. Fatty food can cause pancreatitis - I'm sure Fluffy DOES love latkes, but don't come crying to me when he has to be in the hospital for a week.
4. Freshly made sufganiyot will be generally well-received by your veterinarian regardless of religious affiliation, btw.
Christmas/winter break tips:
1. Keep pets away from toxic plants.
2. Keep pets away from potentially toxic or obstructive decorations.
3. Yes, even if you think your pet knows better.
4. Boarding is stressful for your pet. If your pet comes home from boarding acting kind of stressed out, this does not mean he was abused in the kennel.
5. There is no vaccine or quarantine practice that is 100% effective at preventing 100% of cases of infectious disease. If your pet comes home from boarding with an infectious disease, that does not mean that the kennel doesn't know what it is doing.
6. If you're giving your vet a fruitcake, please be liberal with the application of alcohol to said fruitcake.
Some random haiku for you:
Anal sac juices
Are the foulest smelling thing
WHY MUST YOU LICK THEM?
Toenail overgrowth
THREE CENTIMETERS ingrown
Pluck that sucker out
That's a nipple, sir.
Yes, male dogs have nipples too.
Don't take off your shirt.
Hairless Sphynx cats
Feel like sweaty penises.
Try to prove me wrong!
December 14th:
Horror. Atrocity. Pain.
Such a tragic waste.
I do hope that last does not seem flip. Fact is, I cannot delve into that topic more than very superficially without completely breaking down. Such a terribly tragic loss for all of those families, and our country, and the world. There really are no words to express the magnitude of the loss or the depth of the grief I feel when I consider it.
And on that note, this particular VBB wishes you a healthy & peaceful year's end, and health & good fortune in the year to come. My colleagues will have to keep you entertained for the next wee bit because I'm GOING ON VACATION!
Showing posts with label haiku. Show all posts
Showing posts with label haiku. Show all posts
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Presenting complaint haiku
"His poo-poo smells bad."
Are you fucking kidding me?
Like YOURS doesn't smell?
"My dog laid an egg."
No it did not, you're confused.
That's a placenta.
"I think she hates me!"
I'm so sorry to hear that.
And, I'm not surprised.
"She pees on the floor"
She's 24, ma'am.
She only has one nephron.
"He ate my homework,
and I need to turn it in."
Here! Take him to school!
Are you fucking kidding me?
Like YOURS doesn't smell?
"My dog laid an egg."
No it did not, you're confused.
That's a placenta.
"I think she hates me!"
I'm so sorry to hear that.
And, I'm not surprised.
"She pees on the floor"
She's 24, ma'am.
She only has one nephron.
"He ate my homework,
and I need to turn it in."
Here! Take him to school!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
"A Day in the Life" Haiku
Where is my coffee?
Careful balance to prevent
Surgery jitters
Cute Frenchie puppy
Umbilical hernia
At least no murmur
Diabetic cat
Now has nasty U.T.I.
Hope I can treat that
Sad parvo puppy
Getting worse. Pink juice is best
For you, little one
Dark when I arrived
Worked in windowless building
Dark when I go home
Date night after work
Me: “I think I smell like cat pee”
He snorts, “Yeah, you do”
Careful balance to prevent
Surgery jitters
Cute Frenchie puppy
Umbilical hernia
At least no murmur
Diabetic cat
Now has nasty U.T.I.
Hope I can treat that
Sad parvo puppy
Getting worse. Pink juice is best
For you, little one
Dark when I arrived
Worked in windowless building
Dark when I go home
Date night after work
Me: “I think I smell like cat pee”
He snorts, “Yeah, you do”
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Happiness is a warm puppy.
VBB central is pleased to report the incipient arrival of a new puppy. Squee! Yes, it's true. We may be cynical heartless bitches & bastards on the outside, but deep within our crispy outer shell lies the warm & squishy heart of a puppy-lover.
Puppies. Soft and warm.
That delicious puppy breath.
I just love puppies.
It's been a long time since VBB central has had a puppy. Funny how it feels - I see puppies at work all the time - in fact they are usually the high point of my day - and I could tell you my standard puppy spiel in my sleep - but now that one is coming home with me, well - I'm kind of freaked out. This is my first puppy since vet school!
I've had dogs all my life until recently. When my last dog died - well, he was sorely missed, but I was busy with starting life with children and moving and all kinds of major life changes. I didn't have time for a puppy. I lived vicariously through the dogs of friends and family members. I've watched somewhat enviously as new puppies have entered the lives of many of my loved ones in the past mumbledy-mumble years, and recently we decided to take the plunge. Everyone in the VBB household is now old enough to contribute in some way to the care of the dog, and even to read a book about dog behavior and training (BTW: I like Sophia Yin's dog training books, and Ken Martin's training book has a lot of great information about dog socialization periods and positive training methods, etc).
So, I'm approaching this new addition with excitement and fear. While I've had dogs before, and even hand-raised puppies before (although this new puppy hasn't been prematurely separated from its mother), no one expected me to know it all before - now, everyone expects me to know everything. Of course I'm confident in matters of puppy health and medical care, but when it's your own puppy, you second guess everything. Or maybe I should say, *I* second guess everything. Because I do second-guess myself when it comes to my own pets. I know some vets who will happily provide all the medical care for their own pets, including emergency surgeries. I am not one of those vets. I know some other vets who won't even give their own cat a distemper shot. I am also not one of those vets. I am somewhere in the middle, but definitely tending toward the side of wanting a second opinion on anything potentially serious. That said, my anxiety at this time is not really about the puppy's health. I can handle that. It's more about the puppy's emotional and social health. I want to raise a good canine citizen, and I haven't done this in a long time. Hopefully, it's like riding a bicycle - after all, my last three dogs turned out great.
Fingers crossed!
Puppies. Soft and warm.
That delicious puppy breath.
I just love puppies.
It's been a long time since VBB central has had a puppy. Funny how it feels - I see puppies at work all the time - in fact they are usually the high point of my day - and I could tell you my standard puppy spiel in my sleep - but now that one is coming home with me, well - I'm kind of freaked out. This is my first puppy since vet school!
I've had dogs all my life until recently. When my last dog died - well, he was sorely missed, but I was busy with starting life with children and moving and all kinds of major life changes. I didn't have time for a puppy. I lived vicariously through the dogs of friends and family members. I've watched somewhat enviously as new puppies have entered the lives of many of my loved ones in the past mumbledy-mumble years, and recently we decided to take the plunge. Everyone in the VBB household is now old enough to contribute in some way to the care of the dog, and even to read a book about dog behavior and training (BTW: I like Sophia Yin's dog training books, and Ken Martin's training book has a lot of great information about dog socialization periods and positive training methods, etc).
So, I'm approaching this new addition with excitement and fear. While I've had dogs before, and even hand-raised puppies before (although this new puppy hasn't been prematurely separated from its mother), no one expected me to know it all before - now, everyone expects me to know everything. Of course I'm confident in matters of puppy health and medical care, but when it's your own puppy, you second guess everything. Or maybe I should say, *I* second guess everything. Because I do second-guess myself when it comes to my own pets. I know some vets who will happily provide all the medical care for their own pets, including emergency surgeries. I am not one of those vets. I know some other vets who won't even give their own cat a distemper shot. I am also not one of those vets. I am somewhere in the middle, but definitely tending toward the side of wanting a second opinion on anything potentially serious. That said, my anxiety at this time is not really about the puppy's health. I can handle that. It's more about the puppy's emotional and social health. I want to raise a good canine citizen, and I haven't done this in a long time. Hopefully, it's like riding a bicycle - after all, my last three dogs turned out great.
Fingers crossed!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
vet school haiku
ortho rotation
uptight instructor shouting
"screw it! screw it hard!"
anesthesia rounds
that's a fancy way to say
"taking a nice nap."
parasit lecture
macracanthorhynchus and
knemidokoptes
hours in library
reading about the cool stuff
I'd get to do soon!
clinic rotations
attendings pimping me hard
i felt so stupid
uptight instructor shouting
"screw it! screw it hard!"
anesthesia rounds
that's a fancy way to say
"taking a nice nap."
parasit lecture
macracanthorhynchus and
knemidokoptes
hours in library
reading about the cool stuff
I'd get to do soon!
clinic rotations
attendings pimping me hard
i felt so stupid
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Colleague Haiku
Gossip about us
Hits a professional nerve
Sense of humor please.
A lack of humor
Makes some people a big bore
Jealousy is lame.
In the trenches vets
Know more about our clients
Than those looking down.
Hits a professional nerve
Sense of humor please.
A lack of humor
Makes some people a big bore
Jealousy is lame.
In the trenches vets
Know more about our clients
Than those looking down.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Surgery Haiku
Sick to my stomach
Surgery patient just crashed
What did I do wrong?
Gastrotomy done
Recovered well all last week
ER re-explored
Criticalist said
Not related to prior
But I still worry
Will owners complain?
Demand a refund or worse?
I hope pet’s okay
Surgery patient just crashed
What did I do wrong?
Gastrotomy done
Recovered well all last week
ER re-explored
Criticalist said
Not related to prior
But I still worry
Will owners complain?
Demand a refund or worse?
I hope pet’s okay
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
A few more haiku
Urethral blockage
Vomiting, straining, and death.
NO HE CAN'T GO HOME!
"His nose is not wet"
I think I missed the lectures
on "nose moisture scale."
"His nose is too dry"
He isn't dehydrated
Stop touching his nose!
Routine wellness check:
Did you really not notice
this foul-smelling mass?
Quick! Emergency!
He's bleeding all over me!
Oh. He broke a nail.
Vomiting, straining, and death.
NO HE CAN'T GO HOME!
"His nose is not wet"
I think I missed the lectures
on "nose moisture scale."
"His nose is too dry"
He isn't dehydrated
Stop touching his nose!
Routine wellness check:
Did you really not notice
this foul-smelling mass?
Quick! Emergency!
He's bleeding all over me!
Oh. He broke a nail.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Bloggies! and an advice haiku for vets.
Hey! It occurs to us here in VBB land that we started this blog JUST IN TIME to qualify for the 2012 Bloggies! If you are enjoying our posts, we'd like to suggest that you take a couple of minutes to nominate us in the categories of: pets & animals, humor, and/or best new weblog. Those seem to be about where we'd fit. Although, if you have some other idea, go for it.
To have your ballot accepted, you must include at least THREE unique nominees. I can recommend a few others for you:
Dr. Grumpy is a great fit for the humor category.
The Five o'Clock Cocktail Blog goes quite nicely in the food category.
Worms and Germs is one of my favorite science blogs.
Anyway, it would be cool if you'd nominate us, if you're so inclined. And just so this isn't All About Us, I'll leave you with a topical haiku:
You can't love a pet
More than the client loves him
Or you will go nuts.
To have your ballot accepted, you must include at least THREE unique nominees. I can recommend a few others for you:
Dr. Grumpy is a great fit for the humor category.
The Five o'Clock Cocktail Blog goes quite nicely in the food category.
Worms and Germs is one of my favorite science blogs.
Anyway, it would be cool if you'd nominate us, if you're so inclined. And just so this isn't All About Us, I'll leave you with a topical haiku:
You can't love a pet
More than the client loves him
Or you will go nuts.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
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