Chanukah holiday tips (just save these for next year):
1. No, your cat doesn't know enough not to burn himself on the candles. Also, doesn't know enough not to knock over the chanukkiah. Singed whiskers are not an emergency. Blistered eyelids are an emergency. I'm not sure why clients so often get that backwards.
2. Re: dog, see (1).
3. Fatty food can cause pancreatitis - I'm sure Fluffy DOES love latkes, but don't come crying to me when he has to be in the hospital for a week.
4. Freshly made sufganiyot will be generally well-received by your veterinarian regardless of religious affiliation, btw.
Christmas/winter break tips:
1. Keep pets away from toxic plants.
2. Keep pets away from potentially toxic or obstructive decorations.
3. Yes, even if you think your pet knows better.
4. Boarding is stressful for your pet. If your pet comes home from boarding acting kind of stressed out, this does not mean he was abused in the kennel.
5. There is no vaccine or quarantine practice that is 100% effective at preventing 100% of cases of infectious disease. If your pet comes home from boarding with an infectious disease, that does not mean that the kennel doesn't know what it is doing.
6. If you're giving your vet a fruitcake, please be liberal with the application of alcohol to said fruitcake.
Some random haiku for you:
Anal sac juices
Are the foulest smelling thing
WHY MUST YOU LICK THEM?
Toenail overgrowth
THREE CENTIMETERS ingrown
Pluck that sucker out
That's a nipple, sir.
Yes, male dogs have nipples too.
Don't take off your shirt.
Hairless Sphynx cats
Feel like sweaty penises.
Try to prove me wrong!
December 14th:
Horror. Atrocity. Pain.
Such a tragic waste.
I do hope that last does not seem flip. Fact is, I cannot delve into that topic more than very superficially without completely breaking down. Such a terribly tragic loss for all of those families, and our country, and the world. There really are no words to express the magnitude of the loss or the depth of the grief I feel when I consider it.
And on that note, this particular VBB wishes you a healthy & peaceful year's end, and health & good fortune in the year to come. My colleagues will have to keep you entertained for the next wee bit because I'm GOING ON VACATION!
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
V is for Vomit
Ah, Valentine's Day. The day when the phone rings every fifteen minutes with someone worried that their dog may have ingested a toxic dose of chocolate. Usually the dog is fine, rarely there is something to worry about. The dose makes the poison, after all. I think back on past Valentine's Days and remember lots of vomit. Most people think about flowers, candy, candlelit dinners, that kind of thing - me? I think of vomiting dogs. See, either they ate the whole damn box of candy with wrappers and everything and puked it up themselves in my office, or we're actually worried about a toxic dose but they don't have the courtesy to puke on their own and we have to make them puke. Either way, there is puke involved. Yay.
My beloved made me a super-sweet video for V-day this year. Jazzy background music, cute pink swirly animation, and some awesome pictures of us, and the kids, through the past year. At the end of the video, a little animated cartoon of a dog vomiting up a pile of brown stuff with flecks of red foil wrapping.
Awwwwwww. He knows me so well!
Happy Valentine's Day to you!
My beloved made me a super-sweet video for V-day this year. Jazzy background music, cute pink swirly animation, and some awesome pictures of us, and the kids, through the past year. At the end of the video, a little animated cartoon of a dog vomiting up a pile of brown stuff with flecks of red foil wrapping.
Awwwwwww. He knows me so well!
Happy Valentine's Day to you!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
*yawn*
Well, it's 2012. My son remarked to me that he was surprised the world didn't end last night - he apparently believed that the Mayans predicted the world would end at midnight as 2012 began. I had thought the world was supposed to end NEXT New Year's. I guess we'll find out in about a year.
I started the new year of eating off pretty well, with chicken & waffles & a flight of mimosas. No complaints about my first meal of 2012! But, the new year of everything else? Yeah, no. Not so great. I was awakened this morning at about 6 AM by a panicked phone call. I'm not going to say who made the call, but suffice it to say it was not someone on the list of people ALLOWED to call me at 6 AM on New Year's Day. The caller was freaking out because apparently someone had knocked over their fishbowl during the evening's revelry, and the fish was missing, and they wanted to know what to do.
I'll just wait while you let that sink in.
Yes.
You read that right.
Now, maybe our blog audience isn't the right group of people to ask, but I'mma ask anyway - Really? When you knock over your goldfish bowl and you can't find your goldfish, the first thing that comes to mind is "I better call my cousin's friend's old neighbor's ex-girlfriend's brother's co-worker's former roommate, the veterinarian, and see what to do?" Even "gosh, I'm going to call my veterinarian with whom I have a warm and mutually respectful relationship to find out what to do" is a stretch, IMO. What was I supposed to do other than say "Hmm. I guess you should continue to LOOK FOR IT until you FIND IT, or else wait til it starts to smell and follow your nose!" ? Right?
So. That happened.
I also had the subject of a relative's newly-acquired dog come up in conversation. Changing the details - the dog had some outpatient surgery, and was acting weird when it went home, and cried all night. I suggested to the relative telling me the story that perhaps the dog had a) been discharged before it was fully recovered, and b) not had adequate pain medicine. The storyteller advised me that was impossible because a) the vet called the owner to say the dog was ready to go, and b) the vet told the owner that that particular surgical procedure was nonpainful. I didn't have the energy to argue. I just calmly said "oh, well, without knowing more details, I couldn't say what happened. Hey, who's watching the game today? What game? Um, I don't know. Isn't there a game today?" and then the kids and men started talking about game schedules. Phew. But in my secret heart of hearts I have to wonder: who doesn't just automatically KNOW that surgical procedures are by definition going to be painful, and that a dog who is up crying all night the night after a surgical procedure IS IN PAIN?
Sigh.
I started the new year of eating off pretty well, with chicken & waffles & a flight of mimosas. No complaints about my first meal of 2012! But, the new year of everything else? Yeah, no. Not so great. I was awakened this morning at about 6 AM by a panicked phone call. I'm not going to say who made the call, but suffice it to say it was not someone on the list of people ALLOWED to call me at 6 AM on New Year's Day. The caller was freaking out because apparently someone had knocked over their fishbowl during the evening's revelry, and the fish was missing, and they wanted to know what to do.
I'll just wait while you let that sink in.
Yes.
You read that right.
Now, maybe our blog audience isn't the right group of people to ask, but I'mma ask anyway - Really? When you knock over your goldfish bowl and you can't find your goldfish, the first thing that comes to mind is "I better call my cousin's friend's old neighbor's ex-girlfriend's brother's co-worker's former roommate, the veterinarian, and see what to do?" Even "gosh, I'm going to call my veterinarian with whom I have a warm and mutually respectful relationship to find out what to do" is a stretch, IMO. What was I supposed to do other than say "Hmm. I guess you should continue to LOOK FOR IT until you FIND IT, or else wait til it starts to smell and follow your nose!" ? Right?
So. That happened.
I also had the subject of a relative's newly-acquired dog come up in conversation. Changing the details - the dog had some outpatient surgery, and was acting weird when it went home, and cried all night. I suggested to the relative telling me the story that perhaps the dog had a) been discharged before it was fully recovered, and b) not had adequate pain medicine. The storyteller advised me that was impossible because a) the vet called the owner to say the dog was ready to go, and b) the vet told the owner that that particular surgical procedure was nonpainful. I didn't have the energy to argue. I just calmly said "oh, well, without knowing more details, I couldn't say what happened. Hey, who's watching the game today? What game? Um, I don't know. Isn't there a game today?" and then the kids and men started talking about game schedules. Phew. But in my secret heart of hearts I have to wonder: who doesn't just automatically KNOW that surgical procedures are by definition going to be painful, and that a dog who is up crying all night the night after a surgical procedure IS IN PAIN?
Sigh.
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