Yo, Irreverent Vet! Over here!!!

Dude. I don't know who you are, but I just read your article over on petplace.com and I'm trembling with rage. So, I'm going to go through it point by point, if you don't mind - seems your blog doesn't really have any comment mechanism I can find so this seemed most efficient.

Your list of things that "Veterinarians Don't Want You to Know," with VBB commentary:

1. A Veterinary Hospital is a Small Business: Duh. Of course it is a small business. Unless, of course, it is a big business because it's one of those megacorporate monstrosities. But I digress. Most privately owned veterinary hospitals are small businesses. This isn't a secret. Most people of normal intelligence are fully aware of this fact. I know no veterinary practice owners who are trying to hide this. Do you?

2. There is a High Profit Margin on Vaccines: again not a secret. I've told people how much our vaccines cost. I've also explained some of the other points you bring up. People can decide what to do. I have never had a person refuse a vaccine based on our markup after I've explained what our markup actually includes.

3. They Want to Sell You Preventative Medication: Well, maybe they do and maybe they don't. Unlike some folks, I wouldn't deign to speak for all vets, but I personally would just as soon do away with the pharmacy biz. It's just that my clients find it a convenience, and if I don't carry these things, they get annoyed (heaven knows we get a ton of complaints if we are out of stock of something!). I'm sure some vets like to keep this business in-house, and that's fine too, but don't tar us all with the same brush, dude.

4. Vaccines Can Be Dangerous: Hello! McFly! Are you actually trying to hide this from your clients? Do you actually know vets who fail to disclose the potential risks associated with vaccines? What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your party? Oh. Oops. Sorry, got carried away there. But seriously - no. I refuse to believe that my colleagues do not disclose that vaccines can have adverse effects, and allow their clients to engage in informed consent. I am completely insulted that you disagree.

5. There is No One in Our Hospital Monitoring Pets at Night: Again with the failure to disclose! Seriously? I find myself fighting with clients who want me to admit their pets to our day practice, literally yelling "BUT WE HAVE NO ONE HERE TO MONITOR YOUR PET AT NIGHT!" and they still want to have the pet admitted. I certainly would never in a hundred and fifty billion years consider admitting a pet and keeping the unmonitored overnight status on the downlow. Where do you practice anyway, that you think this is normal behavior?? Are you in Dr. Pol's neighborhood or something?

6. Vaccine Recommendations Have Changed: ok, at least you say "some" vets are still giving annual vaccines instead of longer vaccine intervals but again - this is not a thing that "Veterinarians Don't Want You to Know!" You make it sound like there is some big conspiracy and that most vets are hiding these facts from their clients! 

7. Vets Often Don't Agree With Breeders: I'm gobsmacked. You seriously think that vets do not want their clients to know that we often disagree with breeders? I would like to see a show of hands from the readership... who here finds him or herself telling a client that the breeder is wrong at least once a day?? I know I do. 

8. There are Some Things Some Vets are Better at Than Others: Were you running out of things for your list? This is just silly. No one individual is equally good at absolutely everything he or she does, and only a complete blithering idiot of a client is going to assume that he or she is. This is not a secret. 

9. You Have Referral Options - I guess maybe there are some vets who hesitate to offer referral, as you say. I'm not one of them but whatever. I'll give you this one. 

10. I'm not that Familiar or Fond of Alternative Medicine: Er - it's true I've never told a client your opinion of alternative medicine. But, they will get an earful of mine - which is essentially "show me the research, if there isn't any and it seems harmless fine, if there is some and it shows efficacy, fine, otherwise, no, stay away."

11. Most Vets in General Practice are "GP's" : Are you kidding? I am starting to wonder if you have a different way of defining 'don't want you to know' than I do. Like the many colleagues I speak to on a daily basis, I am frequently telling clients that I am a GP, and that I would really prefer to consult a specialist. Most of the time they reply "oh Dr. VBB - we really only trust YOU." To which I reply "well, if you trust me, take my advice and see a specialist!" to which they reply "oh no, we could never let any other doctor see Fluffy." *headdesk*

12. Vets Have a Low Tolerance For Aggression: Funny you should bring this up. This week I have told two puppy owners that their new puppies showed unacceptable amounts of aggression to me and that they need behavioral consults. My clients are well aware that aggression is not amusing or acceptable in my exam room. I don't jump to euthanasia as a first line of treatment for aggression, but I definitely have it on my list of treatment options, and if dedicated behavioral interventions fail or are refused, better to kill the dog than the dog kills a person. And I'm not afraid of using muzzles or chemical restraint if necessary. This is all explained clearly up front. No one who has been to VBB central with an aggressive dog comes away misunderstanding this. 

13. Vets Get Attached: Not sure why this is even on your list when you state right there that we sometimes cry. Hard to be keeping it secret when you're crying in the exam room with your client, really. But, I don't know any vets who think their clients shouldn't know how much they (the vets) care about the client's pets. Why would we not want people to know this?

14. Vets Have Bad Days Too: This is kind of right up there with number 11 and number 8 and number 1 as not really something that a normal person of average or better intelligence would not know, and not something that anyone is actively trying to keep secret from his or her clients. Whatever.

15. Cats May be Happier as Indoor/Outdoor Cats: OK, you got me! I do know some vets who would never ever be willing to state that it's ok to let your cat outdoors due to the associated risks. Good work, Irreverent Vet! Now the people know.

16. Your Dog Doesn't Need Vitamins: again, not a secret, not something anyone I know is hiding from people, actually something I tell people all the time and the people choose not to believe. 

17. Not all Foods Are Created Equal: also not sure why this is something you say vets don't want people to know....just seems like list filler. 

18. All Drugs Have Side Effects: see item 4. OF COURSE this is disclosed! 

19. If Your Dog Acts Aggressive We Muzzle: See item 12....

20. Even if Your Dog is Really Bad They May Minimize It: so you see a lot of vets shooting themselves in the foot this way? I don't. I just tell people "your dog's behavior is not acceptable" and then explain why and what needs to be done. Seems many of the vets I speak with regularly do the same....

21. No House Calls: how is this a secret? Obviously if people call and ask for a house call and that's not a service you provide, you tell them, right? How is this something we don't want people to know? Are you saying we just want people to go around assuming if they call us we'll drop everything and run over? Why would we want that? It would just end up in disappointment and anger. 

22. Many Pets Do Better When You Aren't Around: again, not something we don't want owners to know. This is something I tell people All. The. Freakin'. Time.

23. We are Often People People: Not touching this with a ten foot rabies pole :)

24. Vets Hate Talking About Money: ok this is a true statement, but I wouldn't say it is something we don't want people to know. 

25. Vets Aren't Always Right: Sigh. Again with the statements from the Department of Obvious Facts. See #1, #14.... Also not a secret.

26. Pets Can Change: again a true statement, again something I find myself explaining OVER and OVER to clients who JUST DON'T GET IT. So - I'd call this something vets DO want you to know, not something vets do NOT want you to know. Did you get your columns mixed up?

27: Vets are Not Nutritionists: well, some are. The GPs aren't, though. That's true. This is no secret in my practice, but I don't discuss it with a lot of other vets so couldn't say what is generally done. In my practice, I will offer to help with basic dietary stuff, and have sometimes consulted a nutritionist for assistance (at the school where I trained), and have made referrals to nutritionists. Tell me more about how the vets you know keep this hidden from their clients, though! Sounds like a great story hiding behind this.

OK, well - this is all I have to say. Feel free to explain yourself in the comments!

Priorities

Yesterday we had to call the plumber out to our house to rooter the pipe that drains the washing machine. Apparently it was full of gunk, a.k.a. dog fur. The plumber spent about 15 or 20 minutes and charged us $350, which I didn’t have. I thought about all the things my clients have said to me over the years when presented with treatment bills for their pets:

• “If you really cared about animals you wouldn’t charge so much.”
• “You should name a wing of this hospital after me, for all the money I’ve spent.”
• “I don’t get paid until next Friday. Can you hold a check?”
• “Is that the lowest you can go?”
• “You vets are only in it for the money.”
• “I bet you drive a Porsche.”

For about a tenth of a second I thought about trying out one of those lines on the plumber: “If you really cared about washers you wouldn’t charge me,” or, “Think of my poor children! They won’t have clean clothes to wear to school!” But I didn’t, because I’m a decent person. Instead, I handed over the credit card.

For most people who claim they “can’t” afford veterinary care, it’s really that they choose not to spend money on veterinary care. It’s all a matter of priorities. If your priorities are an iPhone, shiny new SUV, and cigarettes, don’t try to make me feel guilty. I feel sorry for your pet that he is stuck with you as an owner, but I don’t feel sorry for you and your poor decisions.

And for the record, I drive a ’99 Subaru with 209,000 miles on it, having upgraded from an ’88 Blazer with 180,000 miles that couldn’t turn left in the cold without stalling.

You might be a crazy breeder if.....

My compliments to Jeff Foxworthy.

You might be a 'crazy breeder' if
...You feel the need to tell the vet how to do their job
...You'll sell your pups to anyone with the money
>>>>>>You do not screen the buyers for if they'll likely be good owners or should own your breed
...No way in hell would you let the puppy buyer actually see the sire, bitch and your whole set up
...You think because you let the animals breed you are as knowledgable as a vet in every way
...You have not had the sire and bitch proven -
>>>>>>You haven't had them shown or otherwise officially compete for a title which is consistent with breed standards
>>>>>>Or there is no breed standard, since your just breeding mutts and coming up with a cute name
>>>>>>You haven't had the sires and bitches checked for known health issues such as hip dysplasia, elbow displasia, eye problems, heart murmurs, etc.
>>>>>>You ask the vet to change their protocol for OFA radiographs to help the dog pass
...You overlook the pet's genetic/hereditary defects including cryptorchidism, malocclusions (outside of breed standard), hip dysplasia, elbow displasia, food allergies, atopy, TEMPERMENT, liver shunts, luxating patellas and on and on and on
...You have a male and female so you breed them. You gave no consideration of how the attributes each involved could lead to healthier puppies (or kittens)
...You'll still want to breed a bitch after she's developed mammary gland tumors
...You didn't control the bitches parasites and properly vaccinate her before you let her breed
...You watched your dog in active labor for more than 45 minutes and didn't seek veterinary help
...You let another breeder give your dog some injection that you have know idea what it will do
...You think $350 is the proper price for a C-Section
...You didn't prepare for the $1000-3000 cost for C-Section and your pet's complication because you waited too damn long
...You claim poverty so you can't pay for the C-Section, while calling your friends and family on your iphone, while holding your cigarettes and smelling of liquor
...You have a crappy set up so the pups are not kept very clean and have significant parasitism
...You tried to overcome the parasitism by inappropriately using worming med from the feed store
...You have too many pups to start their housetraining and regularly groom and handle them
...You use vaccines you got at the feedstore or online
...You hope those vaccines will compensate for your crappy husbandry
...You do not have the pups health checked by a conscientious veterinarian before releasing them
...You give information about the health needs that are not scientifically proven
>>>>>>Don't go to the vet to have the pup checked for X # of weeks
>>>>>>Only follow some unknown, unbalanced vaccine protocol
>>>>>>Only allow 1/2 dose of vaccines
>>>>>>Only allow a specific manufacturer of the vaccines
>>>>>>Say that a rabies vaccine cannot be given till 6 months old
>>>>>>You can only have the vet use X type of anesthesia
>>>>>>Cannot be spayed or neutered till X age
>>>>>>Must be spayed or neutered before Y age

Disclaimer - not all breeders are crazy or unreasonable. I totally respect many.

Anyone else?...