"Money-grubbing vet"
was not what I had in mind.
My feelings are hurt.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Sex Education 101
A call to the emergency line at our hospital:
Caller: " I think that my cat is having trouble giving birth. She is rolling around on the floor and meowing real loud!"
Vet: "How old is your cat?"
Caller: "She's 9 months old, never been out of the house."
Vet: "Do you have any other cats? Any tom cats?"
Caller: "No, no other cats. Just her and she never goes outside."
Vet: "Well, I think your cat is going into heat. If she hasn't been around any male cats, it is unlikely that she is pregnant."
Caller: "Oh, ok."
*******few minutes later the guy calls again******
Caller: "I forgot to tell you, we do have a chihuahua...he's real close to her size."
****vet laughing******
Caller: (mad) "Well, you don't have to laugh, is she having chikitties or not?"
Seriously. And this guy had kids. Public education fail, folks!
WHO's on FIRST.....
For the safety of the staff AND your pets...please LEASH your dog (and some children) and keep your cat in the CARRIER.....
Had a client walk in holding her anxious cat in her arms and the receptionist informed her that cats are required to arrive with and be in a CARRIER . Her response was that she was CARRYing the cat so she was the CARRYer. No lady a CARRIER...but I am the CARRYer and I'm CARRYing the cat so the cat is here with a CARRYer. So, we brought up the cat "CARRIER" and placed her cat in it until she left and gave her the CARRIER to hold. Her response...so now I'm CARRYing a CARRIER...so I'm a CARRYer of a CARRIER......no you're just a moron and exhibiting signs of a PUNCH TO THE FACE DEFICIENCY...
Vet, AKA Free Animal Control?
First voice mail from my neighbor on a Sunday afternoon: "There is a skunk in my yard! What do I do?? It stinks! Call me!"
Second voice mail from my neighbor, 5 minutes later: "You HAVE to get over here and catch this skunk and get rid of it! That's your job, isn't it? DO IT!"
I deleted the messages and kept reading my book.
Second voice mail from my neighbor, 5 minutes later: "You HAVE to get over here and catch this skunk and get rid of it! That's your job, isn't it? DO IT!"
I deleted the messages and kept reading my book.
*yawn*
Well, it's 2012. My son remarked to me that he was surprised the world didn't end last night - he apparently believed that the Mayans predicted the world would end at midnight as 2012 began. I had thought the world was supposed to end NEXT New Year's. I guess we'll find out in about a year.
I started the new year of eating off pretty well, with chicken & waffles & a flight of mimosas. No complaints about my first meal of 2012! But, the new year of everything else? Yeah, no. Not so great. I was awakened this morning at about 6 AM by a panicked phone call. I'm not going to say who made the call, but suffice it to say it was not someone on the list of people ALLOWED to call me at 6 AM on New Year's Day. The caller was freaking out because apparently someone had knocked over their fishbowl during the evening's revelry, and the fish was missing, and they wanted to know what to do.
I'll just wait while you let that sink in.
Yes.
You read that right.
Now, maybe our blog audience isn't the right group of people to ask, but I'mma ask anyway - Really? When you knock over your goldfish bowl and you can't find your goldfish, the first thing that comes to mind is "I better call my cousin's friend's old neighbor's ex-girlfriend's brother's co-worker's former roommate, the veterinarian, and see what to do?" Even "gosh, I'm going to call my veterinarian with whom I have a warm and mutually respectful relationship to find out what to do" is a stretch, IMO. What was I supposed to do other than say "Hmm. I guess you should continue to LOOK FOR IT until you FIND IT, or else wait til it starts to smell and follow your nose!" ? Right?
So. That happened.
I also had the subject of a relative's newly-acquired dog come up in conversation. Changing the details - the dog had some outpatient surgery, and was acting weird when it went home, and cried all night. I suggested to the relative telling me the story that perhaps the dog had a) been discharged before it was fully recovered, and b) not had adequate pain medicine. The storyteller advised me that was impossible because a) the vet called the owner to say the dog was ready to go, and b) the vet told the owner that that particular surgical procedure was nonpainful. I didn't have the energy to argue. I just calmly said "oh, well, without knowing more details, I couldn't say what happened. Hey, who's watching the game today? What game? Um, I don't know. Isn't there a game today?" and then the kids and men started talking about game schedules. Phew. But in my secret heart of hearts I have to wonder: who doesn't just automatically KNOW that surgical procedures are by definition going to be painful, and that a dog who is up crying all night the night after a surgical procedure IS IN PAIN?
Sigh.
I started the new year of eating off pretty well, with chicken & waffles & a flight of mimosas. No complaints about my first meal of 2012! But, the new year of everything else? Yeah, no. Not so great. I was awakened this morning at about 6 AM by a panicked phone call. I'm not going to say who made the call, but suffice it to say it was not someone on the list of people ALLOWED to call me at 6 AM on New Year's Day. The caller was freaking out because apparently someone had knocked over their fishbowl during the evening's revelry, and the fish was missing, and they wanted to know what to do.
I'll just wait while you let that sink in.
Yes.
You read that right.
Now, maybe our blog audience isn't the right group of people to ask, but I'mma ask anyway - Really? When you knock over your goldfish bowl and you can't find your goldfish, the first thing that comes to mind is "I better call my cousin's friend's old neighbor's ex-girlfriend's brother's co-worker's former roommate, the veterinarian, and see what to do?" Even "gosh, I'm going to call my veterinarian with whom I have a warm and mutually respectful relationship to find out what to do" is a stretch, IMO. What was I supposed to do other than say "Hmm. I guess you should continue to LOOK FOR IT until you FIND IT, or else wait til it starts to smell and follow your nose!" ? Right?
So. That happened.
I also had the subject of a relative's newly-acquired dog come up in conversation. Changing the details - the dog had some outpatient surgery, and was acting weird when it went home, and cried all night. I suggested to the relative telling me the story that perhaps the dog had a) been discharged before it was fully recovered, and b) not had adequate pain medicine. The storyteller advised me that was impossible because a) the vet called the owner to say the dog was ready to go, and b) the vet told the owner that that particular surgical procedure was nonpainful. I didn't have the energy to argue. I just calmly said "oh, well, without knowing more details, I couldn't say what happened. Hey, who's watching the game today? What game? Um, I don't know. Isn't there a game today?" and then the kids and men started talking about game schedules. Phew. But in my secret heart of hearts I have to wonder: who doesn't just automatically KNOW that surgical procedures are by definition going to be painful, and that a dog who is up crying all night the night after a surgical procedure IS IN PAIN?
Sigh.
It's Not My Fault My Dog Is Fat
Client: "I'd like a second opinion about why my dog is limping. That other place down the road doesn't know what they are doing."
Dr. Sarcasm: "Well, your lab is 12 years old and weighs 160 lbs. He's the equivalent of an 80 year old, 400 lb human trying to walk around. This extra weight is really bad for his joints and over time causes inflammation throughout and degeneration of his body. Have you considered a weight loss regimen?"
Client: "Oh my god! All of you vets are the same! You just want to tell me how it's MY fault that my dog is obese and that you can't make him better unless he loses weight! You're making me feel guilty!"
Dr. Sarcasm: "Well, if he loses 40 lbs we could possibly help him live longer and feel better, and you'll be surprised at how much better he'll feel. But yes you will have to put forth some effort at feeding him a better quality food and not letting him over eat, as well as cutting back on the treats and people food."
Client: "But he only eats TWO cups of Beneful a day! It's not my fault he's fat!"
Dr. Sarcasm: "And how many treats and snack does he get a day?"
Client: "He only gets one dental bone, a couple of milk bones, some deli meat, some peanut butter and a couple of handfuls of cheerios. Oh and he licks my ice cream bowl when I'm done eating."
Dr. Sarcasm: "Do you realize that each of those snacks, in dog-talk, is the same as you eating a snickers bar every time? Yeah, you're feeding your dog two cups of shitty food and giving him the equivalent of 6 Snickers bars every day. No wonder he's a lard ass."
Client: "You vets are all the same. It's always the owner's fault. I just want some medicine to make him feel better and you don't even want to help me."
Dr. Sarcasm: "Well I don't want your pet to be in pain either, so I'm going to put him on a calorie restricted diet and start him on some anti-inflammatory for discomfort so he won't be in pain while you start a daily walking regimen with him so he can get regular exercise."
Client: "WHAT? You expect me to pay over $100 a month for RIMADYL? That's ridiculous."
Dr. Sarcasm: "The easiest thing you can do is make him lose weight. That's free of charge."
Client: "IT'S NOT MY FAULT MY DOG IS FAT!"
Dr. Sarcasm: "Maybe you'll lose 200 of your extra pounds also, while you're helping your dog lose weight, because you'll be walking around the yard too. Good luck with that."
Dr. Sarcasm: "Well, your lab is 12 years old and weighs 160 lbs. He's the equivalent of an 80 year old, 400 lb human trying to walk around. This extra weight is really bad for his joints and over time causes inflammation throughout and degeneration of his body. Have you considered a weight loss regimen?"
Client: "Oh my god! All of you vets are the same! You just want to tell me how it's MY fault that my dog is obese and that you can't make him better unless he loses weight! You're making me feel guilty!"
Dr. Sarcasm: "Well, if he loses 40 lbs we could possibly help him live longer and feel better, and you'll be surprised at how much better he'll feel. But yes you will have to put forth some effort at feeding him a better quality food and not letting him over eat, as well as cutting back on the treats and people food."
Client: "But he only eats TWO cups of Beneful a day! It's not my fault he's fat!"
Dr. Sarcasm: "And how many treats and snack does he get a day?"
Client: "He only gets one dental bone, a couple of milk bones, some deli meat, some peanut butter and a couple of handfuls of cheerios. Oh and he licks my ice cream bowl when I'm done eating."
Dr. Sarcasm: "Do you realize that each of those snacks, in dog-talk, is the same as you eating a snickers bar every time? Yeah, you're feeding your dog two cups of shitty food and giving him the equivalent of 6 Snickers bars every day. No wonder he's a lard ass."
Client: "You vets are all the same. It's always the owner's fault. I just want some medicine to make him feel better and you don't even want to help me."
Dr. Sarcasm: "Well I don't want your pet to be in pain either, so I'm going to put him on a calorie restricted diet and start him on some anti-inflammatory for discomfort so he won't be in pain while you start a daily walking regimen with him so he can get regular exercise."
Client: "WHAT? You expect me to pay over $100 a month for RIMADYL? That's ridiculous."
Dr. Sarcasm: "The easiest thing you can do is make him lose weight. That's free of charge."
Client: "IT'S NOT MY FAULT MY DOG IS FAT!"
Dr. Sarcasm: "Maybe you'll lose 200 of your extra pounds also, while you're helping your dog lose weight, because you'll be walking around the yard too. Good luck with that."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)