Nurses part I

Dear RN client-

1. Your cat has a large burn from a car fan belt from it's abdomen to it's armpit.  It's black and hard and he's been licking at it. It did not "happen 24 hours earlier."

2. Think 7 days earlier.

3. It hasn't been vaccinated in 5 years.

4. The surgery to remove the eschar went well.

5. Skipping your appointment to remove the sutures and recheck the cat?  Classy.

6. I'm sure you removed the sutures yourself.  After all, you "are a nurse."

7. Which you inform me of at every opportunity.

8. I hope you also tell the police officers who show up to do a well-check on your neglected cat.

9. Bitch.

Dr. Not A Nurse

Sterility? Who needs it?

Dear MD resident,

When I commented that the wrist brace was going to be impossible to wear all of the time at work, you questioned why. Oh, you didn't realize we needed to wear gloves during surgery? Mmm, because *your* vet allowed to you assist with your dog's neuter and he didn't wear gloves? And that did not make you, someone that has gone through medical school and at least part of a residency, stop and wonder if your vet was a dinosaur? I mean, I know your attending...she is pretty awesome. I know at least 3 other people that have gone through your exact program and they seem to have their wits about them. So you honestly didn't think that germ theory doesn't apply to non-humans. You did seem surprised when I asked you how you would feel if I was going to operate on you junk without gloves. I hope, at least, you think it applies to humans. I am just going to wash my hands and get out of here before I catch some nosocomial infection you brought me from two exam rooms over.

Stay sterile...seriously, don't have kids.

Chinese curses

MISS CRAZY BREEDER- if you give a rabies vaccination at home, it doesn't fucking count. Seriously. I don't know WHERE you would have gotten it, but it DOESN'T COUNT. And I insist on examining and updating your pets vaccines if you want more Lasix, you crazy old bat. And don't you put a Chinese curse on my Office Manager! I heard that! GTFO, you old crazy bitch!

Do not get a pet if you can't afford its care

Just because you CAN adopt an animal doesn't mean you should.

Sure, you can rationalize all day long that you have saved this poor creature.... That you have done a good deed... Until it comes time vaccinate your little bundle of joy.  Then suddenly you don't have the money to vaccinate it, or God forbid your little pet needs emergency care... You can't afford that, either.

So now that Evil Veterinarian is the one responsible for your pet being ill.  Definitely not YOU, you good Samaritan.  And how dare vets charge for the work we do... If we really loved animals, we'd do it for free!  And we're so much more expensive than human medicine, right?

Wrong.  We just don't have insurance companies to bill for your care.  The state won't cover the ER visit like a human.  You just expect the bill "to be taken care of" by the hospital, right?  In this case the hospital is the small business veterinarian.

Stop acting entitled;  don't have kids you can't pay for, and don't get pets you can't afford.

That is all.

Out to lunch

So, out with the family today, and an old friend is in the parking lot outside the restaurant. We greet each other excitedly, as old friends do. We chit chat so long we start getting cold, so we go inside & keep talking. It's a nice visit & we are wrapping it up when he says "oh, by the way- it's great that I ran into you, because-" and proceeds to tell me about a strange problem his exotic pet (belonging to a species I haven't ever treated) has, and solicits my advice.

Sigh.

I want to help. I explain I don't really know much about it, and take a guess as what might be going on. I go on to say it's best if they take the pet to someone who sees that type of animal professionally, and suggest my friend drop me an email & I will write back with a referral (which I will need to try to find). I do think the problem will not just go away on its own.

I feel bad that I couldn't be more help. I hope my friend doesn't think less of me.

UPDATE: edited to fix typos.... Figured I'd also add that I did end up learning something from this when I contacted a friend who does see the species in question, and my friend sounded very very thankful for my meager assistance, so, I guess it's all good.

He only eats the best

Presenting complaint- vomits occasionally, about once per day every morning, for years.  Otherwise normal, moderately overweight husky.

Me- "What does she eat?"

Client- "Only the food you told me to feed her.  Oh, and peanut butter dog bones.  Jerky strips.  That's all.  The occasional table scrap.  But that's all.  Sometimes she doesn't eat in the morning, though,"

Me- "So what do you do then?"

Client- "Then I add some canned food."

Me-"What kind?"

Client- "Grocery O'Garbagington's meaty chunks.  But only a little in the morning."  

Me- "Maybe that's why your dog is throwing up every morning."

Client- "Oh, no.  You're wrong.  The lady at the pet food store told me to feed this."

And where did the dog food salesman get her veterinary degree?

Haiku Truth about Being a Vet

Nine years of college
Now I slave for the public
Ass monkeys we are.