Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Geeks and Dogs

Seen on FaceBook, presented without comment.

Initial post:
Here's one for you types that dabble in physics: A queen size bed (B) is 4,560 square inches in area. A small dog (D) - we'll call her Nala - comes in at 304 square inches lying down; including tail. So D = B(.066667). But something happens to this area ratio over a given time (T), where T is generally a duration from about 10:00pm to 6:00am: During that time T, the perceived ratio of D to B increases exponentially, peaking at a ratio of D = B(.25) at around 3:00am. Is there some natural phenomenon that explains this? A lesser law of Newton or something?
You are missing several factors in this equation. 25 years of private research has also revealed the D can sustain an increase in Mass approximately 4 fold.

After the increase in area and mass, D can also change state to an amorphous semi solid. T
he state change seems to be associated with planetary, thermal or luminal changes. It is noticed most around sunrise local time.

With the change of state, when the owner of B ("O") attempts to push D out of B, O will notice the changed state, akin to pushing on Jello.

The positive news is that science may have a solution. If O can successfully navigate their way out of B, O can apply substance T to reverse the areal, mass and state changes in D. T is almost always a semi nutritious food based substance.

The resolution is initiated via auditory stimuli to D, such as yelling "Treat" (colloquial term for substance T), or rapid loud movement of a firm container of substance T.   See Pavlov.

Resolution of the changes is immediate. Science has been unable to determine any side effects to the areal or state reversion. Side effects to the mass reversion are common. It is believed that Force (F) is involved. It appears that any gain in mass while on B is immediately converted to Acceleration (A) when substance T is applied. Current research suggested this change follows F=M*A, where F is constant, and decrease in Mass leads to increased A when exiting B, and vice versa. Clearly D is a Force to be reckoned with.


  1. You also need to take into account the basal canid instinct to automatically position themselves in the most inconvenient position for the primates involved.

  2. This explains what I experience on a nightly basis. Times two. Great post!

  3. I sleep in a king size bed and am not a small human ( 6', 220lbs) and yet my two 20lbs dachshund mixes still take up 3X as much space as I do.


  4. I'd be interested to see how they explain C and P then.
    Thanks for the laugh

  5. While D is an interesting study in physics, C (the cat) takes it to the extreme. As the area and mass of C increases, so does it's gravitational pull, especially on soft and warm objects, such as blankets and pillows. An amateur photographer actually caught this phenomenon on film. At the start of the event, subjects O1 and O2 occupied approximately 98% of B (king version) and were in control of 2 pillows and 1 blanket. C took it's position in the center of B, between O1 and O2. Periodically, you could see glimpses of C circling and, oddly, making biscuits. By the end of the event, C still occupied the center of B, but was atop a small mountain consisting of 2 pillows and 1 blanket while O1 and O2 were positioned on the very outskirts of B, cold and experiencing minor pain in their necks.

  6. I cannot stop giggling at this post!!!

  7. I call this phenomenon "the ooze." Our smaller (30-lb) dog starts each night curled in a ball at the foot of the bed. Within hours, she has oozed out of her ball shape to take up most of the bottom third of the bed. She has even pushed our 100-lb dog off the bed with her oozing ways. Bad dog.

  8. I think that it is so great how much these veterinarians in scarborough care for their animals. It really makes a difference for so many of their lives.