Chanukah holiday tips (just save these for next year):
1. No, your cat doesn't know enough not to burn himself on the candles. Also, doesn't know enough not to knock over the chanukkiah. Singed whiskers are not an emergency. Blistered eyelids are an emergency. I'm not sure why clients so often get that backwards.
2. Re: dog, see (1).
3. Fatty food can cause pancreatitis - I'm sure Fluffy DOES love latkes, but don't come crying to me when he has to be in the hospital for a week.
4. Freshly made sufganiyot will be generally well-received by your veterinarian regardless of religious affiliation, btw.
Christmas/winter break tips:
1. Keep pets away from toxic plants.
2. Keep pets away from potentially toxic or obstructive decorations.
3. Yes, even if you think your pet knows better.
4. Boarding is stressful for your pet. If your pet comes home from boarding acting kind of stressed out, this does not mean he was abused in the kennel.
5. There is no vaccine or quarantine practice that is 100% effective at preventing 100% of cases of infectious disease. If your pet comes home from boarding with an infectious disease, that does not mean that the kennel doesn't know what it is doing.
6. If you're giving your vet a fruitcake, please be liberal with the application of alcohol to said fruitcake.
Some random haiku for you:
Anal sac juices
Are the foulest smelling thing
WHY MUST YOU LICK THEM?
THREE CENTIMETERS ingrown
Pluck that sucker out
That's a nipple, sir.
Yes, male dogs have nipples too.
Don't take off your shirt.
Hairless Sphynx cats
Feel like sweaty penises.
Try to prove me wrong!
Horror. Atrocity. Pain.
Such a tragic waste.
I do hope that last does not seem flip. Fact is, I cannot delve into that topic more than very superficially without completely breaking down. Such a terribly tragic loss for all of those families, and our country, and the world. There really are no words to express the magnitude of the loss or the depth of the grief I feel when I consider it.
And on that note, this particular VBB wishes you a healthy & peaceful year's end, and health & good fortune in the year to come. My colleagues will have to keep you entertained for the next wee bit because I'm GOING ON VACATION!