Friday, November 2, 2012

No Hope for the Human Race

I've been doing this job for 10 years.  I've seen a lot and few things actually shock me anymore.  But occasionally something happens that makes me stare straight ahead for a few minutes, trying to get my brain around what just came out of the mouth of another being that is supposedly a part of my own species.

I wish I could say it's the usual complaint we all hear, when someone pleads ignorance about giving their dog or cat their rabies vaccine.  They either don't know it's the law or they don't know that they or their pet could die from it or that it's a really, really dangerous disease.  I get that kind of stupidity.

But today... today we got a call that has me scratching my head in both absolute confusion and absolute....  what's the word?  Oh yeah... disbelief at how utterly stupid another human can be.

So little Johnny is an 8 month old Yorkie.  His owner scheduled him this week to be neutered, because he was starting to mark her house (read: piss all over everything she owns because he's now a macho little fucker).  We happily obliged and I neutered him yesterday.

This owner called my staff this morning and screamed at them.  SCREAMED at them.  She had a complaint about the procedure and wanted to make sure we knew she had gotten the worst service EVER from us.

From a simple neuter?  Okay, I'll bite...

She went on to explain that WE TOOK HIS TESTICLES!!!  Her dog went INTO my clinic yesterday with two normal balls and went home WITHOUT HIS BALLS.  She was APPALLED.

Imagine the silence she got on the phone as my super intelligent tech tried to process what was being said to her.

She informed us that 20 years ago when she had her other dog neutered, he kept his testicles.  Never in her life has she had a dog have his testicles removed!

Except....  her other dog was my patient, and guess what?  He was a....  neutered male.  His testicles had been removed, too.

So it made me - for a brief moment - think, "Oh great, the VMB is gonna ding me for not explaining that a neuter means taking the balls out."  I worried about that for a brief moment.

Then I thought...  SCREW THAT.  If my job now entails explaining things like THIS to an owner who has owned dogs previously, who CALLED US and scheduled the neuter surgery - then I'm done with this job.  I cannot be responsible for the complete education of the entire public while they hold no responsibility for their own ignorance and stupidity.

There is no hope for the human race.


  1. Neuticles®? Did the previous dog have them? I know when a truly macho family member had his (great, big, 75lb.+ baby) dog neutered, he sprung for the fake balls just so "Toby's" appearance would not be compromised.

    Toby was a much better dog, and yes, he still looked "macho."

  2. I had an older spayed female GSD present recently for "licking privates a lot and peeing in house." I did my exam, noted no external irritation to the vulva, but history-taking revealed urinary incontinence. I went over the findings with the owner, saying, "Her vulva actually looks pretty good - not very irritated at all."

    The (female) owner said, "What's a vulva?"

    I felt like directing her attention to her own crotch.

  3. I was once accused of not castrating a tomcat cuz his scrotum was still there.

  4. No, the previous dog didn't have neuticles. :)

    But, this owner *did* demand to know if there was some "new way of performing castrations nowadays."

    I mean, really. You can only take a conversation so far until you just gotta hang up and call it quits on account of absolute stupidity.

  5. Me: mam your dog is sick because he has parvo
    Owner: so he was poisoned,I think my neighbor did it
    Me no mam he has contracted the parvo virus which causes severe vomiting and diarrhea in dogs and can be fatal
    Owner: what kind of poison is that?
    Me: it's not a poison man it's a very dangerous virus contracted by contact with the feces of an infected dog, however it can live on the ground for months in areas out of direct sunlight, it's highly contagious which is why we always recommend vaccination to protect puppies.
    Owner: so he is poisoned!
    Me(light bulb appearing over my head): no mam he is sick because he caught germs, germs that cause him to throw up, have diarrhea and get dehydrated.
    Owner: Ooohhh, germs, now I get it!

  6. Just yesterday I had to explain parvo to an owner who bought a distressed property that used to be a rescue kennel. He couldn't understand how his 8 month old, unvaccinated chihuahua's (3 of them) had gotten parvo. After a 20 minute conversation like Lances' , I hit on 'spores'.. the spores are in the dirt at the old kennel. I despair.

    1. When people learn their science from watching old X-files repeats, this is what you end up with.


  7. That lady's a real red rocket scientist, isn't she? Sorry she got testy with your staff. The ball's in her court as far as making a board complaint, but I don't think you'd get more than a limp-wristed reprimand.

  8. I think that it would be hard to be a vet. There are so many people that have no idea how to take care of their animals whatsoever. I have no clue why she was so upset. That is really weird.

  9. Once these people brought their dog to be neutered. I was a tech assistant at the time. The doctor explained the procedure, including that the testicles would be removed (because of previous conversations exactly like above). They agreed with smiling faces. Picked up their dog and then asked, "So, how soon can we breed him?" Not joking.....I now explain everything in no uncertain terms (I hope).

  10. Reminds me of a lady who brought her dog to our spay/neuter clinic and called back the next day irate because a friend told her that her dog could no longer have puppies. What did she think she was doing?

  11. I was examining a dog once, mentioned that he was not desexed and the owners asked what I meant. I explained he had testicles, therefore not desexed. They said "Oh do they take the testicles out when they desex them?"! They had adopted the dog from it's previous owners two years earlier and always thought he was neutered.

    PS - Dr S I have a feeling these comments are not going to make you feel any better :I

  12. Bahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!! I'm sorry you had to put up with such a crazy lady but that was just too funny to read along with some of the other comments! Oooohhhh.....society! My brother is a nurse ( human nurse) and we can talk all day about all the stupid things people say and do! Definitely great times when we get together!

  13. One day I was discharging a dog who had come in for a neuter, and I asked if the owner had any questions. She said "So you took the red thing out right?". I then had to try to explain that what she was referring to was his penis, and that no we did not remove it. She was perplexed, but luckily didn't start freaking out. Unfortunately, it seems like you can't win either way.

  14. I'm wondering if she thought the dog was going to have a vasectomy, but yeesh.

  15. While I wholly agree that this woman is an idiot, this is where a well written informed consent form for elective spays and neuters comes in handy.
    I worked at a clinic that had one specifically for that purpose, and it said something to the degree of "I consent to the removal of my pet's reproductive organs (testicles in males, ovaries and uterus in females), which will render him or her sterile and unable to produce puppies/kittens." It was in very simple, clear language to ensure that even the lowest common denominator could understand what the surgery meant. It was brought about, unfortunately, by situations identical to those described in the comment section.