Thursday, April 4, 2013

Guest post: first year out

One thing we know here at VBB central is that we are not alone. You, dear readers, are right there with us on the front lines. Today, Stephanie shares her story. She's a new graduate (class of 2012) all on her lonesome in an ER (don't get me started on THAT, btw...). She has some helpful information for the lay readership:

Public Service Announcement: Contrary to popular belief, it is actually not really physically possible for you, your dog, or any other mammal to actually vomit up their stomach.  It may seem like they are trying, and they probably feel like they have succeeded. But I promise you with 99.99999% certainty that the fluorescent pink object that was brought up by your dog at 2 AM is not, in fact, his stomach.  It is likely your teenage daughter's completely inappropriate underwear, with perhaps a bit of Alpo thrown in for good measure.  So when you show up at the ER at 3 AM, hysterical over the missing organ, please forgive me when I don't seem as worried as you expect. You've told me that your dog now must have "an empty tube" draining kibble into the abdomen, which will of course cause him to bloat [in a stomach that you suspect is no longer there?!? Oy.]  I'm sure you did read it on the internet. I really do appreciate* your effort to solve the puzzle for me prior to presentation by contacting Dr. Google, since I am such a fresh-faced young doctor. However, I promise that (barring any severe trauma, of course), there is still a stomach at the end of that esophagus, so he won't be needing that theoretical gastric prosthesis that you found while Googling on your smart phone.  I'll just wheel him into the OR, cut the matching bra and socks out of his jejunum, and he'll be well on his way to recovery. Or perhaps some more underwear-eating.

*Sarcasm. Just another service we provide!


  1. I'm into that sort of thing. That's why I own sea cucumbers.

  2. Underwear is probably the one item of clothing I'd never consider 'inappropriate', provided of course it's all covered.

    I will never know what you're wearing so I don't care, just make sure it's clean.

  3. "But Doctor," says Mrs. HystericalClient, "it CAN'T be a pair of fluorescent pink bikini panties as my husband and I don't have a daughter, or any children for that matter, and I don't own a pair of fluorescent pink bikini panties......"

  4. Oh Suzy, that actually happened to me when I was on the endoscopy service as a student. Owners told us they wanted to see what we retrieved from their dog, we excitedly trotted in with a fluorescent pink thong in a ziploc bag, and hooooooooooooo doggie, did that woman go psycho on that man. Apparently it was not her underwear, and she had some strong feelings about whose underwear it might have been.