The usual suspects

Things I have been asked in the exam room this week:

Doctor, what's this on her bottom? (This question accompanied by owner's hand tugging on dog's vulva.)
Followup remark: oh, I thought that would have been more internal!
It left me wondering: what was this lady hiding in HER underwear? How would one have an internal vulva?

Doctor, I've noticed one of her nostrils is a little larger than the other, is that ok?

Doctor, when he pees, I can hear the pee hitting the ground. Is that normal?

Doctor, do you think he needs a fecal transplant from me?

Doctor, in people, do the anal glands just empty automatically every time we poop?

And finally, after a long discussion about why the dog on the exam table was unlikely to survive the next few days, let alone make it until mid-May when the adult child of the family would be home from school, during which I used the words "very painful" and "extremely unpleasant way to go," I got "OK Doc, but, before you put him to sleep - do you think you can trim his nails?" I declined to do that antemortem nail trim.