Friday, April 12, 2013

The usual suspects

Things I have been asked in the exam room this week:

Doctor, what's this on her bottom? (This question accompanied by owner's hand tugging on dog's vulva.)
Followup remark: oh, I thought that would have been more internal!
It left me wondering: what was this lady hiding in HER underwear? How would one have an internal vulva?

Doctor, I've noticed one of her nostrils is a little larger than the other, is that ok?

Doctor, when he pees, I can hear the pee hitting the ground. Is that normal?

Doctor, do you think he needs a fecal transplant from me?

Doctor, in people, do the anal glands just empty automatically every time we poop?

And finally, after a long discussion about why the dog on the exam table was unlikely to survive the next few days, let alone make it until mid-May when the adult child of the family would be home from school, during which I used the words "very painful" and "extremely unpleasant way to go," I got "OK Doc, but, before you put him to sleep - do you think you can trim his nails?" I declined to do that antemortem nail trim.


  1. I've had two emergency erection calls (it's SOOO big and swollen........) and an owner who listed applehead as the species of her chihuahua!

  2. Fecal transplant?!? Did the pet have c-diff? That is the only indication for fecal transplant that I can think of...