"My dog bit my other dog's ear off a few hours ago. I want you to sew it back on."
"Um, I can't do that. The part of the ear that was bitten off is dead."
"Well sew it on anyway! Or, cut the other ear off so they will look the same!"
"Well, if I do that, then you'll be back paying me in a few days to remove the dead piece you just had me *sew* back onto the ear. I'm not Dr. Frankenstein. And No, I will not cut off the tip of the other ear just so her ears "will match"."
"Well can't we attach a prosthetetic ear tip so she doesn't look like she has a chunk missing out of her ear?"
"I can't do that here but if you want to see a surgeon, I'll be happy to refer you."
"No, I only want to spend $100. Just give me some antibiotics. No pain meds cause she's not in pain."
"I bet Evander Holyfield would disagree. But what do I know? I'm just a doctor with 9 years of school under my belt."