Friday, September 21, 2012

Guest post: Dear whoever you are

Dear hysterical lady who calls literally in the middle of the night: 

1) I cannot understand hysterical crying, whether in a voicemail or while on the phone. 

2) Calling 4 times in 5 minutes does not necessarily get me to call back any faster, especially when (#1) applies. I need to understand your phone number at the very least.

 3) $150 plus euthanasia costs is not "insane" (thanks insensitive husband in the background) when I'm the one getting woken up in the middle of the night to take care of a cat that you "don't think" I have ever seen before in my life.

4) "Do you live here in town?" The location of my residence relative to the hospital does not get you a reduced emergency fee.

5) I really do hope he passes quickly so the trauma stops, because I feel bad that you are hysterical, and it doesn't sound like your husband is going to "let" you bring him in.

After this call, it's to the couch I go so I don't keep my fiancé up for the next 2 hours that I won't be able to sleep.


  1. I never thought it possible, but I do believe your call is worse than my husband's! Holy Smokes!
    At least we'll never hear, "How many thousand will it cost to save my wife's leg?!....That's insane!! Let it fall off!"
    What do people expect??? You do it for free? ...Don't answer... I know... :(

    1. My call is 24/7/365. I'm solo large animal (see most recent post on this blog).

      That is not an atypical client emergency. The best are those that call or text repeatedly, every few hours, throughout the night, asking for advice. I can't turn off the phone because an actual client might call with an emergency.

      All this for less than half the salary of the average physician in a low-paying specialty.

  2. Yeah, I get that shit, too, and hate it. I move down to my office couch on those nights, too, because I know the odds are the phone will ring again. And again. And again. Why keep up my entire family for one idiot?