"Doctor, so glad you're here early! Mrs. Cottonbrain called. Chowderhead is having chemo done at Othervet Fancypants Specialty Center, but she's worried about an unrelated problem and is on her way here. Apparently Chowderhead is having bloody urine and seems really lethargic. Hopefully you can squeeze her in."
You see, Chowderhead's chemotherapeutic regimen is known to cause hemorrhagic cystitis (bloody urine) and lethargy could also be related to chemo. I have no idea why the owner thinks this is unrelated and why she is not contacting the oncology team, but I am going to find out I guess.
First appointment: bandage removal on a patient who had some joint surgery done at Awesome Laparascopic Techniques R Us. Making small talk with client while removing the bandage, I asked how Flounder is adjusting to life in a crate. "Oh, he's not being crated. We don't have a crate. We fenced off the living room so he just roams around in there. He is sometimes jumping up on the sofa though. That's ok, right?"
Cue short discussion about the relative expense of a crate vs a second joint surgery.
Second appointment: new puppy! I love new puppies. This one is from a puppy mill 1500 miles from here in Eastern Flaborgia. The new owner is quite concerned about why the puppy mill "got rid of" this puppy when she was five months old. Does this mean something is wrong with her, she wants to know. Um - well, she's shaped like an ottoman when she's a breed that should be shaped like a hot dog, and her kneecaps don't seem to be attached to anything, but otherwise, hey - she's got a cute face and a pleasant demeanor. Just go with it, mister. Count your blessings.
"Hey doc! Phone call, line 3, it's Dr. SameHandsEveryTime from the emergency clinic!"
Me: Hi, This is Dr. VBB, can I help you?
Dr. S: Hi V, it's me. I saw your patient Doomed over the weekend. You remember her?
Me: Yeah, I think I saw her last week for "looking at me funny" and "not being herself," but nothing concrete on exams and owner declined diagnostics, right?
Dr. S: yeah, that's what the record says. So anyway Doomed showed up here at 3 AM with bloody froth pouring out of her nose. We weren't allowed to do any diagnostics either, though. She died at about 5 AM. I just wanted to let you know her owner said something about "that incompetent VBB" and they definitely blame you for missing this. Sorry. I did tell them it might not have been your fault.
Next appointment: a rabbit! Not something we see every day, but OK, I can roll with it. Why is it here? Head tilt? Ok, probably some pasteurella here but - um - have you noticed, sir, that this rabbit is dragging itself around by its front legs, and has open sores over the surfaces of the hind legs that are rubbing against the ground? Oh, it's your son's rabbit? I'm not sure how that changes the fact that - oh. Your son is only concerned about the head tilt? *headdesk* again.
Lunch break! I smell pizza! Following my nose to the source of the pizza aroma....a crowd is gathered in exam room two and there are three stacked up pizza boxes. There are a lot of sheepish looking staff members standing around with sauce on their faces. Two boxes of pizza are empty. The remaining half pizza is covered with OLIVES. Ugh. Who had the bright idea to brine & eat those monstrosities anyway? Well. I'll just load up on the chocolate-covered espresso beans a client gave us for Christmas, then.
Oh look, here's Chowderhead. Gosh, I expected her hours ago. Hey, she appears to be in septic shock. You're going to need to transport her to the specialty center, ma'am. No. No we do not have a dog ambulance. Because there is no such -Oh. Fine. Go ahead. Report me to the board. Here is their phone number & email address. But first, take your dog to the specialty center - and keep these fluids running in on the way. Kthxbye.
Hey, what's that noise? Fire engines? Oh, another fire engine just went by. Hey, what's with all these fire engines? Um - do you smell smoke? Someone go look outside & - oh. Hi there Mr. Fireman. What's that? Really? The whole block's being evacuated because of a six-alarm house fire down the road? Sure. No problem. Thanks for the tip.