Monday, January 23, 2012

Racer X keeps his speed in a little glass jar....

Now, hospitals and their staff definitely get the award for the most drug seekers, but veterinarians are movin' on up the chain. It is a little harder to for me to deny an animal with an injury pain medication when their owners look a little shady. Hell, on any given day, I may look a little shady too. But there are some cases where I am going to recommend me giving the animal an injection for pain rather than sending you with an Rx for a controlled substance.

Instance #1: You have a such a serious case of meth mouth that I mistake the smell for your cat's abscess.

Instance #2: You ask for percocet for your cat, only you truncate the name and call them "percs." I would make an exception if you just didn't understand that tylenol is deadly to cats....but "percs?" Honestly!

Instance #3: You tell me that your dog tolerates methadone: he drinks it out of your mouth.

Instance #4: I regret meeting you with your hit by car dog at the clinic late one night when you start telling me how you chew up your old fentanyl patches because you are in such bad pain.

Instance #5: I recognize your name from a client/patient that was at another clinic where I worked last week for the same seizure disorder. Can you say Keppra??? And no rescue valium for you!


  1. Sadly, I almost assume clients to be on drugs until proven otherwise. Especially if they are in and out and in and out and in and out of the exam room or are fidgety. We watch the local "Jailbirds" newspaper religiously to spot our clients with their arrests.

  2. Or, you are a non-client who calls one night asking for a fentanyl patch for your dog who supposedly just had back surgery.

    Or, you are a new client bringing in a perfectly healthy dog, claiming that he has kennel cough, and asking for hydrocodone (by name!) as a cough suppressant.

    Or, I get a faxed Rx request for 60 phenylpropanolamine tablets (precursor to cooking meth) and I know damn well we just dispensed 60 tabs to you last week.

    Or, as I am explaining that your dog needs surgery asap for a traumatic diaphragmatic hernia you say, "I've got some fentanyl patches at home; is this surgery something I could do at home?"

  3. My OH once had his drink spiked with ketamine (discovered in a subsequent blood test after he got admitted to hospital). When I informed him it's a drug used to sedate horses during castration, he double-checked his pants lol.