Saturday, January 21, 2012

You might be a crazy breeder if.....

My compliments to Jeff Foxworthy.

You might be a 'crazy breeder' if
...You feel the need to tell the vet how to do their job
...You'll sell your pups to anyone with the money
>>>>>>You do not screen the buyers for if they'll likely be good owners or should own your breed
...No way in hell would you let the puppy buyer actually see the sire, bitch and your whole set up
...You think because you let the animals breed you are as knowledgable as a vet in every way
...You have not had the sire and bitch proven -
>>>>>>You haven't had them shown or otherwise officially compete for a title which is consistent with breed standards
>>>>>>Or there is no breed standard, since your just breeding mutts and coming up with a cute name
>>>>>>You haven't had the sires and bitches checked for known health issues such as hip dysplasia, elbow displasia, eye problems, heart murmurs, etc.
>>>>>>You ask the vet to change their protocol for OFA radiographs to help the dog pass
...You overlook the pet's genetic/hereditary defects including cryptorchidism, malocclusions (outside of breed standard), hip dysplasia, elbow displasia, food allergies, atopy, TEMPERMENT, liver shunts, luxating patellas and on and on and on
...You have a male and female so you breed them. You gave no consideration of how the attributes each involved could lead to healthier puppies (or kittens)
...You'll still want to breed a bitch after she's developed mammary gland tumors
...You didn't control the bitches parasites and properly vaccinate her before you let her breed
...You watched your dog in active labor for more than 45 minutes and didn't seek veterinary help
...You let another breeder give your dog some injection that you have know idea what it will do
...You think $350 is the proper price for a C-Section
...You didn't prepare for the $1000-3000 cost for C-Section and your pet's complication because you waited too damn long
...You claim poverty so you can't pay for the C-Section, while calling your friends and family on your iphone, while holding your cigarettes and smelling of liquor
...You have a crappy set up so the pups are not kept very clean and have significant parasitism
...You tried to overcome the parasitism by inappropriately using worming med from the feed store
...You have too many pups to start their housetraining and regularly groom and handle them
...You use vaccines you got at the feedstore or online
...You hope those vaccines will compensate for your crappy husbandry
...You do not have the pups health checked by a conscientious veterinarian before releasing them
...You give information about the health needs that are not scientifically proven
>>>>>>Don't go to the vet to have the pup checked for X # of weeks
>>>>>>Only follow some unknown, unbalanced vaccine protocol
>>>>>>Only allow 1/2 dose of vaccines
>>>>>>Only allow a specific manufacturer of the vaccines
>>>>>>Say that a rabies vaccine cannot be given till 6 months old
>>>>>>You can only have the vet use X type of anesthesia
>>>>>>Cannot be spayed or neutered till X age
>>>>>>Must be spayed or neutered before Y age

Disclaimer - not all breeders are crazy or unreasonable. I totally respect many.

Anyone else?...


  1. Just had one on a 9 month old German Shep. with a large umbilical hernia.
    "This breeder is great. She has been doing this so long she's going to let me bring my dog back for boarding. Last month coyotes got into her back yard and ate half of the new litter of puppies so she went out there with a shotgun and took down two coyotes! What a lady!"

  2. If you're a vet, and you see treatment/conditions that constitute animal cruelty in your city/state/county (ordinances/statutes should be available on line), and you're willing to testify to same in court, please call law enforcement. I hope it's me.

  3. You bred your dog just so you could experience the "Miracle of birth". Now your stuck with pups to sell in which you *think* you can get an insane amount of money for..

  4. You have over 50 breeding animals and you are breeding cats or dogs. Buyers--run!

  5. Oooh, one of my All Time Favorites, if you use potassium to cure parvo....

  6. If you call the vet 5 days after your daughter's beloved mare foals because "she doesn't seem to want to walk and her hoohoodilly smells bad." This is in fact two days after you pulled out part of the retained placenta by jerking on it.

    1. or the foal was down "when you went to work" this morning and you decide to call me at 6pm......

  7. If your vet of choice is "Greg Magnusson - Veterinarian in Indianapolis"

    1. I bow to your mastery, Dr. Grumpy.

    2. Maybe shitstaff should use GM as her vet, Dr. Grumpy. :P

    3. I just laughed so hard I almost fell out of bed!

    4. Dr. Grumpy,

      Thank you for spelling my name correctly. :)

      Your blog is funny. I'm leaving this one, and reading yours instead.

  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

  9. .....When called on bad breeding practices, ALWAYS claim that everybody you know breeds this way, therefore it must be okay.
    .....Claim that a Champion in the pedigree is just as good as 56 Champions in the pedigree. Not that it matters, because you doubt that there is such a thing as a dog with 56 champions in the pedigree.
    .....Claim that you are just trying to produce good pets, therefore good pets are all you need for breeding.
    .....Be sure to mention that you do not need to run such health tests as OFA, CERF, thyroid, cardiac, patellas, etc., because your dogs look healthy and had no visible problems at their last vet checkup.
    .....Point out that these tests cost too much and would cut into your profit margin. Be sure to champion the right of poor people to breed dogs.
    .....Confidently assure worried rescuers that no puppy you produce, or any of their puppies or grandpuppies or great-grandpuppies will end up in shelters because you have a bunch of friends who have told you that they'd like a pup from your bitch.
    ....Silence those annoying people who ask about your health guarantee by assuring them that buyers can return any sick puppies and you will replace it with another pup as long as it got sick within a certain amount of time of sale and as long as you don't think the buyer did something to make the puppy sick.
    ......If your breed or line is rare (or you have a "rare" color, or believe your breed or color is rare), be sure to remind everyone that you do not need to show, temperament test, or health test your breeding stock because you are doing the world a service by continuing this "rare" breed/color/line.
    .....No matter what anyone else says, claim that you obviously know what you are doing because you've been breeding for a long time. Point to the hundreds of puppies you've pumped out over the years as proof.
    .....Always remember that "rare" colors, oversized or undersized dogs, and mixes of popular breeds are great selling points. Anyone who doesn't think so is obviously not in tune with their customers' wishes.
    ....If breeding poo-dogs (peke-poo, schni-poo) or other mutts (like doodles) always point to "hybrid vigor" as proof of your dogs' superiority.
    .....Remind everyone that you do not need a waiting list because your puppies are cute.
    ....Assure everyone that your puppies will not end up in shelters because they are cute.
    ....Claim that your breed never ends up in shelters in your area, therefore
    your puppies will never end up in shelters.
    ....If asked why you think your dogs are breeding quality, point out that they "have papers." Extra points awarded for using the phrase "AKC Certified." Double points if those papers come from the Continental Kennel Club.
    ....If you sell a sick puppy, always blame the owners for making it sick. If the owners are clearly not responsible, blame their vet.
    ....If presented with irrefutable evidence proving you wrong on any excuses you have used, pretend your server did not receive the post/e-mail.
    ....Claim that none of the rules of ethical breeding apply to you because you only intend to have one litter so kids can see the Miracle of Birth, and therefore aren't a "real" breeder.
    .....If all else fails, tell everyone who criticizes you to “get a life.”

  10. I have always had a soft spot for therio so I've worked with many great breeders... having said that I have *seen every one of the breeders described in this post*! I have seen many good ones... and for every good one I've seen 10 idiots. Remind me again why we can't impose a license for pet ownership? You have to pass a test first and then prove you can afford proper care...

  11. ... if, when a buyer calls you from the vet's lobby with a positive parvo test in his hand, you tell him "The vet is just lying to steal your money. The dog doesn't have parvo, bring it back to me and I'll cure it with IV's".

  12. Well I'll have you "vets" know that my breed is super sensitive to the leptospirosis vaccine and maybe you should all do your research on this and no I will not give this vaccine even if I am going camping in a known lepto area for 2 weeks.

    1. Please enlighten everyone on what "your breed" is. I've had people tell me that everything from Papillons to Weimaraners are "very sensitive" to various vaccines. Sign the waiver, please. I do not wish to be held liable when your dog gets Lepto / Parvo / Bordetella and you've made a board complaint because I "failed to inform you of the risk of not vaccinating".

  13. if you forbid rabies vaccines in your purchase contract because "my breed is very sensitive to vaccine reactions"

    Guess what your breed is also sensitive to: rabies!

  14. .... Responsible (but uneducated) pet owner purchases older puppy from "breeder", owner has puppy checked & vacc'ed the day after purchasing from "breeder". Two days later the puppy is sick & parvo test is positive, owner calls "breeder" who informs them that the vaccine given by the evil, money grubbing, badly behaving vet is obviously to blame for giving said puppy parvo. *facepalm*

    1. Was it a dobie pup? Had this happen to a friend of mine a few months ago. Breeder regularly ships the pups at 4 weeks, too. Gah!

  15. .... Breeding because you'd like your dog/cat to experience having a litter before having her spayed.
    .... Breeding because your love your pet and wouldn't it be cute to have a miniature version (may have already been said in another way)
    .... Breeding because you see all those expensive puppies on gumtree. What a way to make some money!
    .... Breeding because your friend/cousin/neighbour does and always sells all her puppies/kittens/foals really quickly.
    .... Breeding because it would be a fun experience.

  16. ...breeding 'for love' -

    and getting inbred dogs with defects - and then DOING IT AGAIN. (see first comment on this story)