When the Neighbors Find Out You're a Vet

So.  We've met the neighbors. 

My husband was out in the garage, pouring paint into a tray in preparation of sprucing up some of the contractor white walls we just purchased, when the next-door-Neighbor Lady showed up, dragged like a water skier by an exceedingly obese, wild, WET Labrador retriever.  It's a small miracle the dog stayed out of the paint while she introduced herself and chatted a bit, because she just let him crash around our garage.  Clearly I haven't trained Husband properly, because he failed to LIE and say I'm an IRS agent or undertaker or professional video gamer or some other (please, ANY other) job that doesn't give the neighbors the idea that it's okay to come knocking when the dog has a tick on it or needs a nail trim and they just are so afraid of cutting one too short or the cat has lost five pounds because it hasn't eaten in a month...

The completely predictable knock came not long after.  It was about 10pm one week night, and we had ALL the lights off, since we were watching a spooky movie and like to get the full adrenaline thing going.  Now, *I* would never consider knocking on someone's door at night when all the lights are off...I'd think it's safe to assume there's some sleeping going on, but clearly that doesn't always cross a person's mind.  But I digress...

I opened the door to find Neighbor Lady standing there, 12-ish year old kid behind her.  Neighbor Lady's holding a little piece of hooked metal up in her hand, on display.  The Kid was peeking around Neighbor Lady's side, horrified look on her face, shaking her head in a desperate plea for mercy.  Neighbor Lady proceeded to explain that this little piece of metal is SUPPOSED to fit in a little hole in some sort of orthodontic torture device the kid just had installed in her mouth, and Neighbor Lady was supposed to give it a crank every day to force the kid's palate to spread wider.  Only she couldn't quite get it to work right, and "since you're a Vet I thought you could probably help me??  You know, because you use this kind of stuff all the time."  Against my better judgement, I decided to try to make nice.  We plan to live here a while, so maybe I should be friendly.  Or whatever.

There are about 1000 reasons I don't have children, and I've decided orthodontic torture devices are Reason Number 437.  I invited the two of them in, sat Kid down at my kitchen table, and took the metal hooky thing and tried to crank the skull spreader doohickey.  Only JUST as I was wondering at the impressive amount of pressure required to turn the thing, it slipped out of the hole and raked all the way down the roof of Kid's mouth and darn near down her throat.  Kid was a champ- did NOT bite or even ralph on my feet, though I'm pretty certain I stabbed her RIGHT in the tonsil.  That's when I explained it's not a Vet's job to torture small children, that's what their mothers are for.  I sent them packing, with advice to go BACK to the orthodontist's office for some proper instruction.

So, my question is this:  WHY is it okay to knock on a Vet's door at all hours when there's a problem with your pet (or, for goodness' sake, your KID?!)?  Do you just pop over with your taxes on Sunday April 14th for a little help from your accountant neighbor?   Because it's URGENT that you get it done today and those emergency accountants are SO EXPENSIVE!  Do you expect your neighbor with the landscaping business to want to mow your lawn because he just loves grass?  I'm going to go out on a limb and guess no.  Because when people are at home, they want a break from work.  PLEASE, people- if you have pets, establish a relationship with a Vet at his or her place of business, and figure out what the plan is if something comes up after hours.  Don't go knocking on your poor neighbor Vet's door when she's off-duty.  A quickie exam performed in the flickery light of someone's front porch will never serve your pets' best interest.  And never, EVER ask us to play doctor (or even orthodontist) on a HUMAN.  Humans are disgusting creatures and most of us are totally grossed out by all of you people anyway.