Sunday, January 8, 2012

We Can Say It: V-A-G-I-N-A

Client:  "My dog is licking down there."

Dr. Sarcastic:  "Down there meaning where?  Her legs?  Her tummy?  I don't see anything."  (--> now baiting the owner)

Client:  "No, her... um, you know... her cookie."

Dr. Sarcastic:  "Her cookie?  Do you mean her vulva?  Her vagina?"

Client:  "Um, yeah, her lady parts."

Dr. Sarcastic:  "It has a name.  You can say it.  "V-U-L-V-A" and "V-A-G-I-N-A".  Really.  Humans have them too.  You have kids.  You should know this."

I love repeating words that make adults totally uncomfortable.


  1. Humans are bizarre. In our house, we don't use nicknames for our elbows, so we don't use them for genitalia either. And hey, after living with our cats for more than 10 years, I can now say "anal glands" without giggling :)

    Our culture has the most ridiculous combination of prudery and exhibitionism. Jiggle those boobies on the cover of Maxim, but don't actual say "areola"!

  2. I worked with a receptionist that taught her daughter that the appropriate word for "vagina" was "coochie coo." Yes, her 4 year old called it a coochie.

  3. Oh god, now you're bringing back memories of a huge trucker talking about his dog's "hoo-ha". Ah, dignity, you were nowhere to be found.

  4. When I worked at an emergency clinic, one of my first phone calls was from a man with a thick southern accent describing how there was "meat" hangin' out of his dog's "cooch."

  5. "cookie" - that's a good one. I had someone call the vulva a "rosebud" the other day. How delicate and lovely. I made sure to use the word vulva about a dozen times in the conversation.

  6. Down-there, va jay jay, his thing, weiner, red rocket, hoo-haw, the "area", the flower... I love all the ways people try to avoid saying penis or vagina. We make it a mission to say penis, vagina, vulva, etc. as many times as possible in the exam room if it's appropriate. Bonus points if you can get the owner to say it too. We had a dog in that was bleeding from... you know... down there and I got to say vagina and vulva multiple times during the conversation. Awesomeness. Didn't get either the husband or the wife to say it though, disappointing.

  7. When I first graduated and was trying to be the ultimate veterinary professional, I had a patient that presented with paraphimosis. The owner was a very sweet little ooooold lady.

    I thought she was going to faint every time I said "penis."

    And I said it a lot.

    Poor lady.

  8. As a groomer.. I also get this all the time.. so I felt the need to blog about it as well. Enjoy. :)

  9. Oh, I DO love the "down there" discussion! It makes my day when I can stand there stupefied pretending not to know WHERE down there they are possibly directing me to. I try my best to get them to say EXACTLY where "down there" I need to be looking. One time I was all geared up to play this game with a very properly-dressed prim women in her 70s. She brought in her dog for the "down there" licking. Of course, I am not above baiting senior citizens, so I looked quizzically at her, and said, "I am not entirely sure where you mean, ma'am." Without missing a beat, she calmly - but firmly - responded, "HER TWAT." Priceless.