Client: "I'd like a second opinion about why my dog is limping. That other place down the road doesn't know what they are doing."
Dr. Sarcasm: "Well, your lab is 12 years old and weighs 160 lbs. He's the equivalent of an 80 year old, 400 lb human trying to walk around. This extra weight is really bad for his joints and over time causes inflammation throughout and degeneration of his body. Have you considered a weight loss regimen?"
Client: "Oh my god! All of you vets are the same! You just want to tell me how it's MY fault that my dog is obese and that you can't make him better unless he loses weight! You're making me feel guilty!"
Dr. Sarcasm: "Well, if he loses 40 lbs we could possibly help him live longer and feel better, and you'll be surprised at how much better he'll feel. But yes you will have to put forth some effort at feeding him a better quality food and not letting him over eat, as well as cutting back on the treats and people food."
Client: "But he only eats TWO cups of Beneful a day! It's not my fault he's fat!"
Dr. Sarcasm: "And how many treats and snack does he get a day?"
Client: "He only gets one dental bone, a couple of milk bones, some deli meat, some peanut butter and a couple of handfuls of cheerios. Oh and he licks my ice cream bowl when I'm done eating."
Dr. Sarcasm: "Do you realize that each of those snacks, in dog-talk, is the same as you eating a snickers bar every time? Yeah, you're feeding your dog two cups of shitty food and giving him the equivalent of 6 Snickers bars every day. No wonder he's a lard ass."
Client: "You vets are all the same. It's always the owner's fault. I just want some medicine to make him feel better and you don't even want to help me."
Dr. Sarcasm: "Well I don't want your pet to be in pain either, so I'm going to put him on a calorie restricted diet and start him on some anti-inflammatory for discomfort so he won't be in pain while you start a daily walking regimen with him so he can get regular exercise."
Client: "WHAT? You expect me to pay over $100 a month for RIMADYL? That's ridiculous."
Dr. Sarcasm: "The easiest thing you can do is make him lose weight. That's free of charge."
Client: "IT'S NOT MY FAULT MY DOG IS FAT!"
Dr. Sarcasm: "Maybe you'll lose 200 of your extra pounds also, while you're helping your dog lose weight, because you'll be walking around the yard too. Good luck with that."