Saturday, January 7, 2012

Some Clarifications

So since *some* people feel the need to *educate* us vets on various topics, I figured I'd clear up a few "misunderstandings" for those who obviously need some clarification.

It is not a Rottwelder, a Rockwelder, or a Rockwilder.  It is a Rottweiler.  Please say it correctly because when you don't, we laugh.  At you.  In our minds.   But lately for me, out loud in your face.   If you bred the beast, would you mind at least knowing what you bred?  Correction:  If you stood by watching while mother nature did her thing and allowed two dogs to have sex, would you mind at least knowing what you witnessed?

It is not a "bordello" vaccine.  If you insist on buying your vaccines from the feedstore or *gasp* believing your uneducated breeder knows more about vaccinating your dogs than I do, then at LEAST say the name of the vaccine correctly.  There is no such thing as a "bordello" vaccine.  It is called "bordetella".

And on that same line of thinking, there also is no such thing as a "distemperment" vaccine.  It's called Distemper. 

There is a flooring material called "pergo".  That is not to be confused with the nasty intestinal virus called "parvo".  However, when you walk in screaming that you have NO money but that the feedstore sold you the wrong vaccines and now your dog has "PARGO"  then I am going to laugh in your face.  AGAIN.

AND if you insist on getting your vaccines for super cheap at the vaccine clinic put on by the pet store, then please do not come to me asking what the hell they gave your dog, much less your cat.  Know what you are getting and what you are paying for and don't expect me to always decipher your store receipts for you.   

The correct term for "fixing" a female dog is called spaying.  That does not mean she was "spaded" after the fact.  It means she was "spayed".

And, if we recommend neutering your male dog, we are not recommending neutering YOU.  Well, okay, maybe we are.  And in most cases, neutering you would probably drastically improve the human gene pool, but I know you don't even know what that means, so I won't go there.  But please don't gasp and grab your chest like you're having a heart attack when I recommend removing your 6 month old idiot dog's  (because you also refuse to train him)  testicles because it's such a foreign concept to you.  Telling me, "Oh my god I would NEVER do that to him!" makes you sound like an ignorant child.  YES IT DOES.

Why oh why don't we require licensure for human breeding??


  1. Right on. Using the term "spaded" irks the hell out of me. VV

  2. I hear "spaded" all the time! And the part about neutering is so hilarious! I've seen it and even had one client tell me that his cat won't enjoy sex anymore...

  3. Ha ha ha ha!!! I was inventory manager at a feed store in Texas, and yes, we do get those people. However, we work with a lot of vets, since we supply them with some of their meds and vaccine. We're cautious about selling vaccines, asks questions about the dogs/puppies condition prior to selling anything. Hey, it's Texas...everyone owns a gun. They're usually not too happy if something happens to their animal. But man, there have been some scuffle when we refuse to sell to some people. My boss has a concealed gun license...

  4. OMG, this blog cracks me up. I am laughing so hard I have tears running down my cheeks. Thank you!!

  5. My daily does of meds - your blog :)))

    I hear my dog is getting "sprayed"... really? By what? Insecticide? Paint?

  6. The truly sad thing is my receptionist says all of those things, no matter how many times I've taught her the correct term! Then again she also makes up words like "cludation" which in her world means clutter! Lord help me!

  7. When I was in vet school I once had someone ask me if my "Rockwilder" was "spaded." When I assured him that yes, my Rottweiler was spayed, he look dissapointed for a second, then brightened and asked "Can you un-spaded her? Um, no. I hadn't yet finished all my rotations, but I was pretty sure that wasn't possible.

  8. Every time someone asks if they can have their pet "spaded", I'm very tempted to tell them, "Yes, let me go grab the shovel" and see what their reaction is.

    1. Love this reply! I came within 1/4 of an inch of telling a client that, in our animal hospital, we do not whack animals with garden tools, she would have to go elsewhere for that.

  9. Oh yes!
    I have even less appreciation for the man who actually grabs his OWN testicles when discussing neutering.
    I assure him, his "lack of manhood" is NOT directly affected by neutering his dog.

    And the ones who ask about having their female "spade". I explain that we don't do yard work here, but we can discuss a spay.

    Naive back in the day, the first phone call I took from a guy about his pet "Rock", I figured I had some jack ass joker. Until further investigation revealed he was discussing his pet "Rock Waller". Interestingly enough, I do not remember ever hearing of a dog with good masonry skills...

  10. "Spaded." The most hilarious, blank stare-inducing word one can use in a veterinary facility.

  11. I am the receptionist in a busy 24 hour low cost hospital/emergency facility. One woman called recently to schedule an appointment to have her cat "fixed" and "declawed." She asked the prices for each procedure and was stunned to learn that a declaw is so pricey. I explained to her what the procedure entails and that we have several options to suggest to avoid declawing. When I told her she could clip her cat's claws, she shouted, "That's it! I want you to clip her claws. Just take the pointy parts off. I don't want to chop off her toes." She was really happy to hear that the price plummeted to $5 - $10 for a nail trim and even happier when I told her we could teach her how to do it herself. Geeze-a-loo!

  12. I'm a technician at a cat only practice and a few weeks ago I got a call from a woman. She was explaining to me that her 9 month, un-neutered male cat was starting to behave differently and needed a distemperment shot. O__O No mam, it is called a distemper shot and it wont cure your cats behavioral problems. You may want to consider neutering your cat.

    Has anyone checked out the website for neuticles? So ridiculous. One of the facts they have on their website:
    Most Hesitate To Neuter Their Pet...
    Over 80% of pet owners for various reasons hesitate or even refuse to neuter their pet.

    Where do they get these stats? If there is a hesitation it would probably be the cost. Why would someone pay extra to get fake testicles implanted in their pet.

  13. Amen! Although you forgot the term "Portillo" vaccine...I'm not sure if they meant Bordetella or some combo of Parvo and Bordetella ;)